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Author Topic: Member Spotlight: Jethro  (Read 24807 times)
Martin Wallace

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« on: September 17, 2006, 08:50:14 am »

1. What is your real name?

Hugh Jackman, oh wait that was when l was trying to pull birds in Brisvegas last time l was up there. Will have to check with my agent, do we get a sponsorship deal or something by publishing personal data?

2. What was the first computer you ever owned?

Sir Clive’s outstandingly good Z81, you know the small black thing you plugged into TV sets. Upgraded within a year to an Apple II.

3. How long have you been on the Internet

Does the time spent sending smoke signals count?

4. What currently sits in your CD ROM drive.

Come up to the lab and see what’s on the slab

5. Internet Explorer or Firefox?

Firefox naturally.

6. Why aren't you living in Stockholm?

I’m sure Stockholm is a lovely place, but l have zero wish to live in the North of England. They don’t have a decent Rugby team up there.

7. What is the best advice you could give your son.

Dating Victoria’s Secret models and recoding the debian kernel are the keys to understanding the meaning of life. Or don’t take anything seriously. Either one is a decent enough way to approach life.

8. What is your best recipe?

Blokes don’t cook, but since you ask, charring something on the BBQ. Downunder we have a get out of jail free card with the BBQ, there’s a decent chance you can maim yourself or burn down the house. It’s a challenge.

9. Favourite food?

Japanese. That’s food from Japan for you geek pizza eaters.

10. Best place to eat a meal?

Next to a BBQ, that way you can avoid that green stuff the chicks have been making in the kitchen.

11. What do you prefer to eat for breakfast?

Grainy rye toast with lashings of vegemite. Breakfast of champions.

12. What do you prefer to drink?

Beer, in large quantities.

13. Favourite wine?

Cloudy Bay Sav.

14. Why do you like rugby so much.?

I’m a kiwi, it’s the national religon. Got something against religon?

15. Do you play it yourself.?

Not anymore, due to a few injuries, and the whole computer thing.

16. If no then why don't you play it yourself.?

The realisation that one pakeha bloke on the wing against three huge maori forwards isn’t a good mixture. Something’s got to give there, and it ain’t the Bros.

17. What would you say if I was going to Rugby Seven match tonight.?

You have seen the light on the road to Damascus. Another convert from the evil poofball ranks. Maybe next week we’ll ease you into a full game.

18. Rank the following in descending order

New Zealand – best country in the world mate!
Peter Jackson – Top bloke, kiwi bloke, top kiwi bloke.
Kiwi – As long as this has nothing to do with the league.
VB - decent drop on a hot day.
Ian Thorpe – the thorpedo is almost good enough to be a kiwi.
Qantas – wouldn’t fly on any other airline.
Darwin – full of top aussies.
Roos - a pretty decent critter.
Sheila's Wheels – well as long as she’s the designated driver, no whackers.
Christchurch – pity it’s full of Cantabrians. Other than that it’s still a hole.
Tasmania – well at least we keep the inbreds in one place.
The Queen – the poms can keep her.
Alf Stewart's catchphrases – sorry haven’t caught any of them.
Neighbours – a national embarrassment. Only the aussies could have come up with this one.
Rolf Harris – pommie bloke isn’t he?
Harold Bishop's morals – It’s that John Howard 1950s appeal isn’t it.
Indonesia – you can have a real blast over there. Full of Indonesians unfortunately
George W Bush – helping to keep downunder prejudices about Americans alive.
Fosters – something we sell to the poms.
Australian national rugby union side – oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Provide cannon fodder for the Abs.
The phrase 'rack off' + John Howard – these two seemed to go together.
Sheila's Wheels

19. If (How many IPB sites have you set up and later regretted?) > 0 Then Which ones?

I regret each and every single one of them. Especially the ones setup for DF’s clients, who then start demanding more stuff. The internet is the great satan!

20. Can we fix it?

We can give it the good old college attempt, and then pay twice as much when the repair guy has to put all the pieces back together. Duck tape works sometimes.

21. That slightly-strange intellectual Finnish guy...friend or foe?

Not entirely sure intellectual and Finnish fit together in the one senantence. They play rugby over there so the place can’t be all bad.

22. If you HAD to live someplace else beside Oz and Kiwiland where would you live?

Slot me into either Canada or Alaska. Plenty of decent blokes, and top sheilas.

23. Which beer is best?

Speights. There simply is no competition.

24. Why do you lot foist Fosters on us when you know it's no good?

You keep buying it. The whole thing started as a joke, we’re waiting for the poms and yanks to get the punchline. Makes up for all the Budweiser down my local.

25. When did you first realise you loved Paul Hogan?

218th viewing of “Crocodile Dundee”. The honeymoon’s over though, his last few have been shockers.

26. Prince Charles - top bloke, eh?

Well if you say so. He’s the one married to the horse or something right? Sorry get me royals confused, must be the inbreeding involved. If you like, ship him off to Tasmania.

27. Whose is your favourite avatar?

The one l haven’t seen yet

28. Best horror film ever, and why?

The Exorcist. Best horror movie ever made. Good themes, nice sub plots, and you’ll need a change of undies after viewing. The single movie which revitalised the horror genre, and pushed it into the modern era.

29. The book or the film?

Invariable the book. Jury’s still out on “Da Vinci” as managed to completely miss that one. The book requires you to use your imagination, the movie is generally cocked up by Boredwood.

30. Do you miss having cold NZ winters?

Blood oath mate! Nothing says mateship like drinking a few tinnies of speights down the Brook in sub zero tempatures, while the Abs are dealing to some losers from Europe.

31. On average, how many days a month do you spend on the beach?

Actually zero would be the total. Hole in the ozone layer, skin cancer, and topless beaches being banned by the religious right. The whole fabric of society is coming unravelled.

32. How many barbies do you organise each day?

Depends on the season. Summer, at least three, winter one.

33. Do you really like cats?

Yeap, they make fantastic hats.

34. What is your favourite pie?

Pepper Beef from “Pie in the Sky” on the central coast. Best pie in the world.

35. Best place to vacation is?

New Zealand. Take in Taupo, you are standing on a super volcano, Hawkes Bay, chance of a massive earth quake, and Central Otago highlands for the chance of an avalanche.

36. Your dream vehicle is?

A Holden Ute. Complete with massive stereo system, an esky in the back, and the required Bluey to bark from the back tray. Choice vehicle mate.

37. Top five movies are?

Will restrict to horror, and in no order.

The Exorcist
Session 9
Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn
Romero’s Dead movies.

38. Do you like fishing?

Nope, that’s why they invented fishing trawlers.

39. Do you know where that Dentist office is in Sydney Harbour where that Dentist diver is that captured Nemo; and can you go and make sure to rescue any new fishys that he's captured? Could you also duct tape Darla to the chair if you find her? Thanks

All Sydney siders are required not to divulge the whereabouts of the Dentist office, and to deny any knowledge. Too many bloody tourists wanting to know where it is. Unfortunately Darla came to grief when a rampaging pack of dingos were last in Sydney.

40. If you weren't in IT what would be your ideal job/work scenario?

Marketing Manager for Warner Bros. Let’s face facts here, l couldn’t do any worse this year than the current clown.

41. Mango Gelato. Cheese platter or Cheesecake?

Cheese platter with a selection of fine kiwi cheeses. Mango Gelato is for poofball followers to eat while they sip their lattes. Cheesecake ain’t bad but.

42. Jack Russell puppy or tactical nuclear missile - which is the most distructive?

A tactical nuclear missile could take out a suburb in about ten minutes, a jacky would probably take fifteen.

43. OK.. so not John Howard.. who?

Hard call considering the bozos currently in the halls of government. Helen Clark should run both countries.

44. How much do you enjoy replacing expensive gear because the kid/dog has distroyed it?

Absolutely love doing that, and my maxed out credit card is the result. Having a kid/dog combo means you are always up to date with your gear.

45. Hawkes Bay win the NPC or your son wins a spelling comp.. which would thrill you more?

That would be the ANZC btw, it changed this year. The Bay has about as much chance of winning the Cup as England has of winning the World Cup again. So yeah would be tickled pick if the young fella won a spelling competition.

46. Bottle Top Bill or The Bill?

Bottle Top Bill is a top aussie bloke, The Bill is full of whinging poms, whatcha reckon.

47. Best time travel mechanism...flux capacitor or illegal narcotics?

Narcotics are cheaper and more readily available.

48. Which is your favourite position whilst humping sheep!

In the back of the ute, next to an esky.

49. Will explicit pictures of DF ever suface?

You mean you missed the site l had up last year, server crashed due to the hits unfortantely.

50. Do you do anything else for a living besides starting up websites?

I occasionally watch a movie or a rugby match. Surprisingly set up two yesterday as it happens.

51. Do you anything else for a living besides killing websites?

It’s a nasty job but someone has to do it. If we don’t stop the spread now, it’ll be right across the planet before we know it.

52. If you could send one message back in time to yourself, what would it be?

Invest 50k in Weta Studios.

53. How much money would it take for you to agree to all of the All Black players defecting to England?

We currently have two teams, so you can have one of those for 50 million odd. Might give us some competition at the World Cup next year.

54. Have you seen my keys?

Yes, you left them on the counter of Madame Sasha’s House of Latex. How’s the Daredevil outfit working for you?

55. Do you smoke cucumbers?

Only after a hard session of VB tinnies, and a good rugger match.

56. How do you best smoke your cucumbers?

Through a bong.

57. whats for lunch?

Giving it a miss, and going straight into an arvo BBQ.

58. Is it true that Australios are holding the head of Walt Disney for ransom?

Yes, unfortunately we couldn’t get away with the rest of him. We’ll knock a couple of k off the ransom note.

59. Can you actually explain Cricket?

You need to grow up with the game, to get the complete wonder of the second best sport ever devised. Pity the aussies are so good at it.

60. Why don't people ever ask me questions?

Well if you stopped humping their legs for a few minutes, they might do so.

61. When did you start reviewing horror porn movies?

As soon as l realised there were plenty of the ladies with the big boobies on display. The horror industry is a great supporter of the U.S lingerie cartels, check “I know what your boobs did last summer” for proof.

62. Which is the scariest horror flick you have seen till date.

“The Exorcist”, a good catholic boy such as myself finds that one pretty unwatchable. Best viewing is alone, in a dark creaky house, with all the lights out.

63. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Would that be a European or African Woodchuck?

64. What is the square root of 7?

No idea, who is 7 seeing now a days?

65. What is the 2.64575131106459 squared?

Not enough jugs of beer for starters.

66. Could you stop me if you had to?

I’m a geek on the edge, l have a jack Russell puppy and aren’t afraid to use it.

67. What is the best meal you've ever had?

Everything single one DF has made.

68. Can we go grave robbing some time?

Sure, just let me find out if Ed Gein is free. Eddie knows all the best spots.

69. Who should be interviewed next?

Invisible Duncan.

« Last Edit: February 08, 2007, 08:14:13 pm by msimmons » Logged

Every time god kills an angel, I masturbate.

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« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2006, 09:24:27 am »

  Well done!

Sailing across the sea from Lothlorien....


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« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2006, 09:41:17 am »

 good stuff

When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, nothing happens.

Martin Wallace

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God is dead, I have surpassed him.

« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2006, 09:46:53 am »

I didn't know Stockholm was in the North of England

Every time god kills an angel, I masturbate.

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« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2006, 10:17:51 am »

DF's cooking!  Jethro's BBQ's!  

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« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2006, 02:37:26 pm »

Quote from: Martin Wallace
I didn't know Stockholm was in the North of England
Yeah it is, along with the rest of Iceland  
« Last Edit: September 17, 2006, 02:37:34 pm by Mr Brightside » Logged

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« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2006, 09:10:26 pm »

Wow!! I didn't know you had that many questions to answer. Well done, enjoyed reading them!

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« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2006, 08:34:09 am »

Quote from: Martin Wallace
69. Who should be interviewed next?
Invisible Duncan.

Some days, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.


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« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2006, 01:17:45 pm »

Awesome! I was wondering when the truth was coming out

(are there usually that many questions?  )

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